It should'nt have happened ?

The greatest tragedy of our life is the regret we get when we reconcile our past with the present with decisions we took based of failures and success.

"What if ?" is a very dangerous question because it echoes in our life forever.

This poem reflects the generation of ideas during the time of 2011 - 2013 of doing law as a field of study and failing to pass exam or progress myself in a career.

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I shouldn't have done that.............
I mean......... I would have done something else.................
I would've got something right?
Not empty spaces, sadness, loss, fear,
anxiety, loss of love, darkness, haunting.........

All these words accumulated into one sentence and what I always feel is...............

It shouldn't have happened?


References

Images

·         Website name: Project Murphy .Net (2017). Page title: Introducing Murphy : Helping you imagine “What If ?”. Format : (Jpg.) Available at: https://www.projectmurphy.net/story   (Accessed date : 5/27/2017)

Fatal Friends

This is also a prose-poem fusion reflecting on an internal mental struggle of a human being focusing especially on paranoia, fear, betrayal and even may be death.

This concept was conceptualized in 2011-2013 period during my depression and post-depression.

The background of the poem is based on an old poem, “A poison tree” by Mr. William Blake, an English poet who wrote it in 1794.

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I hear their voices……..

I hear mine………

The darkness fuses life with fear against them………

Men next to me…………….

My team………………

My long lasting friends……………..

Did they do this to me………….

Fatal blow………….

It scares me………….

Should I turn back………

Should I take revenge…………

Or just sit back and enjoy the show……………

Let the time decide……………

They walk around……………..

Smile and even reflect on me as friends………..

I don’t know the truth anymore…………………

May be they don’t even seize to exist…………..

May be this hate is mine.

And myself I created it.

References

Images

·         Website name: Desktop Nexus.com (2017). Page title: The trone of death and dipear. Format : (Jpg.) Available at: https://dncache-mauganscorp.netdna-ssl.com/thumbseg/88/88885-bigthumbnail.jpg  (Accessed date : 5/26/2017)

Fighting the Confusion

"Fighting the confusion" like my other prose-poem fusions reflects on the psychological struggles of people at work as professionals through their perspective.

As a student and a professional at work who struggles personally to achieve goals and objectives and also who struggles with mental depression and anxiety, as a side effect the confusion in the mind occurs.

That mindset is reflected in the poem.

This is one of my experimental uses of language and structure of poem.

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Goals and objectives..........

Mission and Vision statements........

Wannabe Artwork.....

Unnecessary hobbies......

Excess sleep, films, television, books.......

Deadlines…..

Bad reviews……..

Demotions……..

Sadness…..

What is happening to me…….

Get your game face on…….

You can do it......

References

Images 

·         -Website name: Shutterstock.com (2017). Page title: Abstract Confusion. Format : (Jpg.) Available at: https://www.shutterstock.com/search/abstract+confusion (Accessed date : 5/19/2017)

Bricks of shit

As per the "urban dictionary.com" ,


Shitting bricks - to be extremely scared or frightened


Shit bricks - something that occurs when you are very startled, which involved bricks being shattered
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These meanings of words are given to understand the title of the prose / poem fusion written below.

This is also as per my earlier work an analysis on my personal internal mental struggles during my depression era in (2011-2013).

This prose-poem fusion is used to express how time and fear occurs during a period of depression in a boy's life which is depicted in this writing.

Open for criticism.

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It's time and my mind.....

Both taking turns on hitting me......

I wished all the days ended so I could sleep all night and all day........

It's very long and hard these days......

Strong and dangerous.......

Deeply killing me to the core.........

Every word I write, everything I see, every little aspect of my movements of my existense is a part of something I never wanted from myself.........

Fear, anxiety, horror, terror, haze, madness, death, fire, anger, death, loneliness, Murder, hate and so on........................

It was shit bricks.

Thanks.

References

Website

·         Website name: Urban Dictionary.com (2007). Page title: Top definition – Shit bricks. Available at: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shitting%20bricks (Accessed date : 5/13/2017)

·         Website name: Urban Dictionary.com (2005). Page title: Top definition – Shitting bricks. Available at: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shit%20bricks (Accessed date : 5/13/2017)

Images

·         Title: Does fear help us appreciate abstract art? (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at : http://bigthink.com/Picture-This/does-fear-help-us-appreciate-abstract-art (Accessed date : 5/13/2017)

  

Enemies from an unseen parallel universe

This is a prose/poem fusion title which was conceptualized in my 2011-2012 during my period of extreme depression. 

The title and the writing may reflect on that personal experience.

Like my other prose-poem fusion style, this writing emphasis on chronic Schizophrenia and extreme confusion of a person and how he is distorted with reality.

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I watch television.
Read books.
Listen to the radio.
Look at trees.
Look at the sky.

As if they don't look back and I'm fine by myself.
Am I?

Are they watching me, are they reading me, are they listening to me.


Is the concept of time itself an enemy.

Is it actually exist.

What am I?

Who are they?

Existing as if they own everything?

Where did all this begin?

I should stop.

Oh ..... No...

They should stop!

References

Images

·         Title: Parallel Universe (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at: https://www.artlink.com.au/articles/4558/superfictions-and-adventurism-the-art-in-everyday-/      (Accessed date: 5/9/2017)

Websites

·         Website Title – NIH (National Institute of Mental Health). Article title – Schizophrenia. [Online]. Available at: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml  (Accessed date: 2017/05/09)

Trip to Katharagama - 2017 - Practise, Faith, and God

Practise, faith, and god are a very strong and a powerful title.

"Lifer" blog post for April 17' will discuss my pilgrimage with my family to Katharagama, Sri Lanka on April 01st and 02nd.

Now I'm 25 years old and my perception on the world is more dark and confusing, but it is kind of enlightening.... the more I see the goodness of heart and mind, I personally study the dark side of the mind and heart also.

I think it's maturity I guess.

It emphasizes my ability to understand the world in a more personal but a broader sense.

It actually helps me to get a good grasp of the concept of life and religion.

As a family, we annually went to Katharagama.

When we went to Katharagama we usually go to three places.

Lord Ganesha's Temple, Lord Kataragama's Temple, and Kiri Vehera.




Kiri Vehera is considered one of the greatest Buddhist pilgrimages for Sri Lankans because it will provide an opportunity to the Buddhists to visit a location where Lord Buddha visited in his journeys to Sri Lanka.

The above picture is a picture of the Kiri vehera Stupa.

I will not discuss the history but I'll analyze the practice of a Buddhist at Kiri Vehera.

Basically what I do is offer flowers and light a lamp to the Stupa. The purpose of this is to identify the existential issue of life that nothing is eternal and all to embrace the greatness of Lord Buddha.

When you see old flowers and lanterns that are used previously you will recognize that things eventually fade away.

But it is questionable whether all Buddhists function with this practice and attitude with the idea of the basic concept of this offering. This is my opinion. Some do these offerings expecting the blessing of Lord Buddha hoping to gain more material or mental happiness.

The Black and white image below is another offering made to the stupa with the Buddhist flag reflecting on the primary Buddhist concepts.

The colors of the Buddhist flag reflects different Buddhist concepts.

The Buddhist flag, first hoisted in 1885 in Sri Lanka, is a symbol of faith and peace used throughout the world to represent the Buddhist faith.

The six colors of the flag represent the colors of the aura that emanated from the body of the Buddha when He attained Enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree. The horizontal stripes represent the races of the world living in harmony and the vertical stripes represent eternal world peace.

The colors symbolize the perfection of Buddhahood and the Dharma.

The Blue light that radiated from the Buddha's hair symbolizes the spirit of Universal Compassion for all beings.

The Yellow light that radiated from the Buddha's epidermis symbolizes the Middle Way which avoids all extremes and brings balance and liberation.

The Red light that radiated from the Buddha's flesh symbolizes the blessings that the practice of the Buddha's Teaching brings.

The White light that radiated from the Buddha's bones and teeth symbolizes the purity of the Buddha's Teaching and the liberation it brings.

The Orange light that radiated from the Buddha's palms, heels and lips symbolize the unshakable Wisdom of the Buddha's Teaching.

The Combination Colour symbolizes the universality of the Truth of the Buddha's Teaching.

Therefore, the overall flag represents that regardless of race, nationality, division or color, all sentient beings possess the potential of Buddhahood.

From http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Ithaca/4886/flag.htm, located by Dov Gutterman, 9 April 1999

Below is the front of Kataragama Temple. 

As a practice, our family annually makes offering to Katharagama temple though we are Buddhists. It has become a practice as well as an experience for the family. I personally find this offering a great experience. 

Now with dealing with the introduction, I believe that the concepts of religion is more linked to a practise and accordingly faith is built. And it does not actually need a spiritual existense of a god, As long as your practise is acceptable socially and it creates goodness in this world without harm to other lifes. I personally believe that faith and belief in a god is something not bad.

As a buddhist the concept of god is not there. Simply if you do wrong you'll get punished, and if you do right you'll get treated. (The Concept of 'Karma')

So when discussing my maturity in perception, the more I realised the good is always linked with the dark side (Evil or bad) the more you tend understand that both are like ying-yang. (Interrelation of forces.)

Both needs to exist.

So it is acceptable in the world, that nor good or bad will ever be eliminated.