The Auditor

This is a reflection of a depressed and an average auditor’s perception of the world. 

This is real life experiences I gathered from my professional life which is dramatized and fantasized to add an artistic feeling.

Numbers, equations, logic tests, balance sheets and more…………….

I see supporting docs’ everyday….. I go through them like an idiot everyday…….

Sometimes I do it again…. And again…………

I’m confused………

I see numbers everywhere………………………..

I have half done accounting exams……………

A lonely life………………………….

I wait for something interesting……………….

An adjustment for the financials……………..

But I don’t find any……………………………………

So I keep doing my average work every day….

A slow but a steady growth………………………

Hopefully…………………………………………………

References

Images

·         Title: The Auditor (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at : https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/business-women-using-magnifying-review-balance-524061109?src=VyDKHEIrVVjvYRuCFogfhw-1-1  (Accessed date : 4/23/2017) 

New version of depression

This is an experimental expansion of my poem-prose fusion hoping to expand on the factors of internal mental struggles of people like my previous work.

I hate myself every day.

Everyday….

Every day when I see myself in the mirror I hate myself….

I don’t want to be me….

I want to be someone else…..

All the talented people, smiling people I see outside…..

I want to be them….. not me…..

So I struggle…..

Everyday……….

And then I hate myself…..

Everyday…..

References

Images

·         Title: The new version of me (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/72690981463936207/   (Accessed date: 4/23/2017) 

The struggle of the average

This is a short prose – poem fusion on being “Average” and as always it’s experimental.

It’s always confusing to meet up with the next standard level because life always sucks when you’re average.

When you’re average you’re always halfway done. So when you meet a “full”, you feel empty.

That feeling is the worst.

But it's life, I always feel empty.

I’m like way worse than Average.

This classification itself may be a vision of my stupidity.

Seriously, making myself anxious in the world for no reason, thinking that I won’t stand out with the rest.

That’s the struggle of the average.

References

Images

·         Title: Struggle of being Average (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/struggles-being-average   (Accessed date: 4/19/2017) 

Blog and the loosing originality

I myself a slave of the modern lifestyle, mobile phones, and the internet is a person who's losing his originality in my 20's.

I will be looking for new approaches to cheer myself up. And then comes my blog in 2011.

It's not a biggie, but acceptable.

But I still review the old and new films I watch and it would be like using a digital camera.

You see an image through a camera.

There is no originality.

A reflection of another person's reflection.

Later on, the vision expanded slowly as my blogs turned into real life and what you are reading is originality.

So embrace it. It's not smooth or well polished. It's still raw but I'm working on it.

Originality through language and experience.

References

Images

·         Title: The Gallery of fake viral images (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at: http://hoaxes.org/photo_database/viral_images  (Accessed date: 4/19/2017) 

Self-standardisation (Shit head purification)

This article is related to my research on education and the current struggle of fighting against personal addiction and inner demons.

It is very sad and regretful to note that my process of "Self-standardisation - shit head purification" [a more youthful terminology to my 'slacker' lifestyle] is under a lot of scrutinies, personally in the two years of 2016 and 2017.

And the scrutiny is brought down by myself.

In the year of 2015 from June to December, I was able to self-standardize myself. But this was not being able to maintain during the year of 2016-17.

Self-standardisation is a personal struggle.

The struggle of the average to fight forward to become from good to great.

I personally categorized my life into 3 parts.

Academic, professional and personal.

I followed a strict guideline to avoid time wasting and being a slave of my inner demon and idiots.

I had addictions things that I needed to control through strong hard work, So I was under a lot of meditation, exercise, and self-evaluation in 2015.

But it is with great regret I lost all the established in the year 2016.

This is a more analytical vision on the personal struggle of the average student to become a good to a great student, human, and person.

This is a great and hard struggle and this article is on the reflection of myself to become a better person every day.

I had up and downs, but not like in 2011 - 2013, from 2015 onwards I have become very strong internally to achieve my objectives.

References

Images

·         Title: Personal Development (2017). Format: (Jpg.). Available at : https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/personal-development-concept-white-chalk-drawing-86558188?src=79-3FiVYiz6oLOuF4CvzrA-1-57  (Accessed date : 4/10/2017)

Depression, stress and life

This poem/prose is an abstract on the extreme level of long-term depression.
I myself a victim of depression wrote this poem fusing human emotion and depression from personal experience.

As I watched my soul depreciated, life turned machinery, heart turned sick……..

A life filled with regret but with guilt of crimes filled in my mind…….

Emotions and feelings being artificial and dead…..

It’s not life anymore…. It’s just existence.

Anger and rage not shown but filled in heart…….

Self-obsessed with life and materials….. Slowly life departs and darkness crawls in…..

I have killed many in my mind….. I cried without reason…..

Entertainment, demons from the past and memories echoes….

I lose track….

But I hang in there…..with hope…..

References

Images

·         Image: Coping with Anxiety and depression. Format : (Jpg) Available at http://images.agoramedia.com/everydayhealth/gcms/Coping-With-Anxiety-and-Depression-722x406.jpg  (Accessed at 2017/04/04)

Slave

I have become a slave of my own "slacker" existence.

Currently “I Suck” would be a more realistic self-perception.

I wish and I struggle to change every day.

But the laziness, stupidity, and anger keep enslaving me from achieving my full potential.

Maybe sometimes I think I’m working on achieving my full potential and all these are obstacles.

That’s the beauty of it. Going for the unknown.

That unreliable feeling is being the slave of my own existence.

This is short prose from me on my existence and personal struggle against my inner demons and idiots.

References

·         Image: Quote from Bryant McGill. Format : (Jpg) Available at https://www.pinterest.com/pin/215117319677843488/ (Accessed at 2017/04/04)